Are you an extroverted-introvert? What does that even mean?
Growing up I’ve always felt like I was the outgoing one. Namely, because everyone around me praised that I was so sociable and get along with people well. It made me happy knowing that people liked having me around but I started to notice that even though I know a lot of people, I didn’t know them, know them. Over time and as I got older, I fancied more of my alone time, my space, and the tranquility of being alone. For a little while, I felt I was shifting to become more of an introvert, but loneliness would kick in and I’m back out there laughing with friends and enjoying company. This back and forth struggle continues to affect parts of my life in many ways. Hi, I’m Amina and I’m an extroverted-introvert.
Before diving in deep on the traits that can categorize you as an extroverted-introvert, I want you to understand that each and every one of us falls on the extrovert and introvert spectrum. You could be 90% extroverted and 10% introverted, or you could be 52% introverted and 48% extroverted. The possibilities are endless, but catering to your more needed side tends to be more fulfilling.
As an extroverted-introvert there are things I started to notice about myself and here are things I’ve found.
I ENJOY HANGING OUT ONE ON ONE THEN IN LARGE GROUPS.
I actually don’t do too well in large group settings. I can handle it, but it is not as enjoyable as being able to sit down and have a meaningful conversation with someone. I want to genuinely get to know someone instead of joining in on a group conversation and have endless small talk.
IT’S A PAIN TRYING TO GET ME TO HANG OUT, BUT WHEN I DO, I WILL HAVE A BLAST.
This hits me hard because there are moments where I really want to go out and do something. But half the time I don’t even know what that is. Suggestions come in and my introverted side pushes them away. I’ve refused invitations because I had my own things to do (when it’s actually just me not being able to figure out what I wanted to do). But when I actually decide to go out, I realize that it wasn’t such a bad idea in the first place because frankly, I do enjoy the company.
PEOPLE CAN MISTAKE MY MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS AS FLIRTATIOUS.
Like I said in the first point, I enjoy one on one time. My attention is undivided and I have more fun that way. I really make an effort and genuinely want people to know that they have my undivided attention. However, sometimes that can backfire and give people the wrong signals.
I DON’T HAVE A GROUP OF “STAPLE” FRIENDS.
I’m not the girl who always has something to do on a Sunday, or margaritas with my girlfriends on Tuesdays. But, I do have a few selective friends that have been with me throughout the years. A couple over a decade old, and no we don’t hang out every weekend or call each other every other day. I contact them when I miss them or need to catch up and vice-versa. We still talk to each other like we’ve never been apart. Even if it has been weeks, months, or years. You might be thinking, how do I even stay friends with them? Let’s just say that if you’re in my circle, you are IN my circle. I will care about you deeply, I am extremely loyal and if you need help in any way I would always do my best.
THERE’S A CONSTANT STRUGGLE TO CONTROL THE INTROVERTED SIDE.
This usually happens when I’m in a large group setting. My mind is telling me to be social but this exact thought is causing all kinds of havoc in my mind. “I need to talk to someone. No. What are you going to say? Just say hello. Yes. But what happens if we don’t click? No. Well do it, because you’re going to feel bad if you left without talking to anyone.” Yea, that’s my brain talking. You see, to others I may be an extrovert but there’s a million things that run into my head when I’m in a big group setting. Usually it takes me a minute or two to just talk to someone and if we didn’t click I’m off to find someone who does and most likely will be talking to them for the rest of the evening.
IF I LIKE YOU, I REALLY LIKE YOU.
It’s takes a lot of energy for me to socialize believe it or not. I don’t like small talk. I’d rather get to the real you and see if we click. If we do, you’ll definately see me more often. Take it as a compliment if we have hung out several times, it means I really enjoy your company :)
I DON’T REACH OUT OFTEN.
Being an extroverted-introvert I want to hang out but at the same time I really enjoy the company of my bed, my couch, my dog. I actually don’t reach out to people often because I don’t want to bother them, even though for most of you the idea of calling or texting someone just to say “hi, hows your day” seems pretty simple enough. You see, that to me is small talk. If I reach out it’s because I have something that I think would really interest you. Or that I trust you enough to share my troubles and thoughts.
That’s an extroverted-introvert in a small nutshell. You may relate to all of the qualities above or may only resonate with a few. The fact is you shouldn’t try to change your extrovertedness or introvertedness just to fit in or be someone else. Be you. If you want to hang out all the time with friends. Do that. If you find happiness curled up in bed reading, watching netflix or playing games with friends. Do that. Don’t try to confrom to what society deems to be a good person, or even a good friend. If you are a good friend/person, you will find others who like you for all the extrovertness and introvertedness that makes up YOU.
